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The content of these pages brings together external sources, whether they are written pieces, online publications, suggestions from our visitors or local folklore. Of course, it is not intended to be offensive for anyone and it should be treated accordingly.
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Q: Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
A: In case he got a hole in one.
Q: What do you call a woman that sets her bills on fire?
Yo mama so ugly that her pillows cry.
Yo mama jokes are old and overused just like yo mama!
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to save a fish from drowning.
Chuck Norris is considered to be high-class Norristocrat.
The five most important qualities in a woman: one who is independent and helps around the house, one who can make you laugh, one who you can trust, one who is good in bed, and most importantly, one who should make sure these four women never meet.
How do you turn a fox into a pig? You marry her.
Q: Why do milking stools only have three legs?
A: Because the cow’s got the udder!
Teacher: "Where was the Constitution of India signed?"
Student: "At the bottom of the page!"
A rich business man wakes up one morning to hear the voice of God in his head. "I WANT YOU TO SELL EVERYTHING YOU HAVE" boomed the celestial voice. The business man feels that God must have some purpose for him in life so he gets on the phone and sells all his property, his cars, his business. No sooner has he cashed the check for all he had sold than God speaks to him again. “I WANT YOU TO GO TO LAS VEGAS AND PLACE ALL YOUR MONEY ON ONE HAND OF BLACKJACK”. The business man hops on a plane and lands in Las Vegas, walks into a casino, goes up to a black jack table and places his many millions on one hand. He is shaking as the dealer deals his hand, but it’s an 18 and he begins to feel a bit better. But God says “TAKE ANOTHER CARD!” The man’s hand is shaking as he motions to the dealer to hit him. She turns over the card and it’s an ace! He is only up to 19 and still safe! But again God says “TAKE ANOTHER CARD!” The business man can’t believe it but he figures God must have some sort of plan for him. Sweat is dripping onto the table as he leans over and asks the dealer to hit him again. He can barely watch as the dealer turns over the card and again it’s an ace! He can’t believe it, two aces in a row! But God says “TAKE ANOTHER CARD!” The man begins to protest, the chances of him going bust and losing everything were too high, but God says, sharplike, “JUST TAKE ANOTHER CARD!” The man can’t see what God is planning for him but he goes ahead with it, fully convinced he’s about to loose everything. His hands are shaking and he can feel an odd tightness in his chest as the dealer gets ready to turn over the card. It seems to take eternity for her to turn it over but when she does he can see it’s a third ace! And God says “UN-FUKIN-BELIEVABLE!!”
Q: Have you heard about the new restaurant called Karma?
A: There’s no menu; you get what you deserve.
Q: What type of exam does the vampire teacher give his students?
A: A blood test.
A robber comes into the store & steals a TV. A blonde runs after him and says, "Wait, you forgot the remote!"
A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better. Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, “Here’s something I have that you’ll never have!” The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true, and runs home crying. A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. She drops her pants and says, “My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want!”
Celine Dion walks in a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?"
Yo mama so fat that she stepped on a scale and two white flags popped out that said, "I surrender!"
How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Show him a used tampon and ask, "What period is this from?"
Why are proctologists so gloomy? They always have the end in sight.
According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington recently was faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man....She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night. To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.
Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror. There are teachers, and then there are educators...
Yo momma is so black that when she sat in a hot tub, she made coffee.
In 1957 while in Elementary school Chuck Norris drew a sketch of a square apparatus with astonishing details. 50 years later, Apple used that same sketch to design and develop what we know now as... the ipad.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the möbius strip?
A: To get to the same side.
Q: What kind of tea do infants drink? A: Tit-tea.
The children of Amazon cannibal tribes think Chuck Norris is the Easter Bunny because he hides body parts for them to find every Easter morning.
Yo Momma so old, God was her first boyfriend.
A skeleton walks into a bar and says, ?Give me a beer and a mop.?
Knowing Your States
The old pastor made it to a practice to visit the parish school one day a week.
He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked them how many states they could name.
They came up with about 40 names.
He jokingly told them that in his day students knew the names of all the states.
One lad raised his hand and said, "Yes, but in those days there were only 13."
Yo momma is so stupid she went to the orthodontist to get a Bluetooth.
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”
I hate school and got caught skipping the other day. My principal said, "Walk normal next time, you fruitcake."
He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic with insomnia who stayed up all night wondering if there really is a dog?
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
Q: What bone will a dog never eat?
A: A trombone.
If beauty was a drop of water, then you would be the Atlantic Ocean.
182,000 Americans die from Chuck Norris-related accidents every year.
As I rowed my little boat
Toward the river shore,
A small black bird kept me from landing,
Quoth the raven, "never moor."
Q: How do you get a blond on the roof?
A: You tell her the food is on the house.
Q: What did the football say to the football player?
A: I get a kick out of you.