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The content of these pages brings together external sources, whether they are written pieces, online publications, suggestions from our visitors or local folklore. Of course, it is not intended to be offensive for anyone and it should be treated accordingly.
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I have discovered the answer

I have discovered the answer to a question that has been puzzling scientists for hundreds of years. What is the exact difference between a split second and a nanosecond? My girlfriend and I were getting ready to go to a movie when, right as we were about to leave home, my girlfriend asked me the question all guys dread. She asked, “Does this make my butt look big?” If I had said “no” in a nanosecond, we’d have been out the door. Since I took a split second, she had to go to the mall and buy new outfits with jewelry, shoes, and purses to match.

Category: Sexist jokes
Yo momma so ugly she

Yo momma so ugly she got arrested for mooning when she looked out her window.

Category: Yo momma jokes
Q How do fish get

Q: How do fish get high?
A: Seaweed.

Category: Word play jokes
How many kids does it

How many kids does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to say, "But I never turn it on!" and two to say, "But I did it last time!"

Category: Family jokes
Two guys are at a

Two guys are at a bar. One of them looks to the other and says, "I had the best time last night. I had sex with twins!" The other asks, "How could you tell them apart?" "Well, Jessica had long, beautiful, blonde hair, and Alex had a goatee."

Category: Sex jokes
Four men were bragging about
Four men were bragging about how smart their cats are. The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, the fourth was a Government Employee.

To show off, the Engineer called to his cat, "Tsquare, do your stuff." T-square pranced over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.

But the Accountant said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, Spreadsheet, do your stuff." Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each. Everyone agreed that was good.

But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said, "Measure, do your stuff." Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a quart of milk, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was good.

Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, "What can your cat do?" The Government Worker called to his cat and said, "Coffee Break, do your stuff." Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, crapped on the paper, screwed the other three cats, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workers Compensation and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.
Category: Animal
Yo momma is so short

Yo momma is so short, when she went to meet Santa he said, "Go back to work!"

Category: Holiday jokes
Your mum is so fat

Your mum is so fat when she went on the scale it said, "To be continued..."

Category: Yo momma jokes
A devoted wife had spent
A devoted wife had spent her lifetime taking care of her husband. Now he had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside every single day.

When he came to senses, he motioned for her to come near him.

As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?"

"What dear?" she asks gently.

"I think you bring me bad luck."
Category: Business
A man a lawyer a
A man, a lawyer, a redneck, a nun, a blonde, a dog, and a priest walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
Category: Animal
A termite walked into a
A termite walked into a bar and asked, "Is the bartender here?"
Category: Bar
Chuck Norris has to register
Chuck Norris has to register every part of his body as a separate lethal weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over 50 states.
Category: State
The children of Amazon cannibal
The children of Amazon cannibal tribes think Chuck Norris is the Easter Bunny because he hides body parts for them to find every Easter morning.
Category: Cannibal
Yo mama so ugly that

Yo mama so ugly that when she went to hell, the devil went to church.

Category: Yo momma jokes
I hear OJ Simpson is

I hear OJ Simpson is working on a stand up act in jail, apparently he kills everytime.

Category: Pop culture jokes
A man a lawyer a
A man, a lawyer, a redneck, a nun, a blonde, a dog, and a priest walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
Category: Religious
Helen Keller walks into a

Helen Keller walks into a bar, then a table, then a chair.

Category: Miscellaneous jokes
Why did the commuter want
Why did the commuter want the carpool driver to take the bridge?
To avoid car-pool tunnel!
Category: Vehicle
Once upon a time a

Once upon a time, a doctor performed surgery on a young boy with an eye defect. After the surgery was done, he said to the parents, ""Your son is going to be just fine. We graphed some skin from his scrotum to widen his lid. He should have 20/20 vision when he wakes up." The parents responded, "So his eye is going to be normal?" "Well, like I said, his vision will be normal but he may be a little c*ck-eyed."

Category: Sex jokes
Yo momma is so stupid

Yo momma is so stupid that she sat on the TV to watch the couch.

Category: Yo momma jokes
Yo mama has so many

Yo mama has so many rolls of fat she has to screw on her pants.

Category: Yo momma jokes
The difference between like and

The difference between like and love is spit and swallow.

Category: Sex jokes
The couple had been debating
The couple had been debating the purchase of a new auto for weeks.

He wanted a new truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town. He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.

"Look !" she said. I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less. "And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me."

For her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.

Services are pending.
Category: Sports
Catholic guy goes into the
Catholic guy goes into the confessional box. He notices on one side a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest Cuban cigars. Then the priest comes in.
"Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting these days."
The priest replies "Get out. You're on my side."
Category: Bar
One out of every three

One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are okay, then it must be you. - the late George Carlin

Category: Miscellaneous jokes
Q Did you hear about

Q: Did you hear about the guy who drank 8 Cokes?
A: He burped 7Up.

Category: Clean jokes
A naked man broke into

A naked man broke into a church. The police chased him around and finally caught him by the organ.

Category: Word play jokes
Yo mamma so stupid she

Yo mamma so stupid she was staring at my Ford because it said "Focus."

Category: Yo momma jokes
Yo momma has so much

Yo momma has so much dandruff when she scratches her head people are like, "Dang, is it winter already?"

Category: Yo momma jokes
He who lives by the
He who lives by the sword, dies by the sword. He who lives by Chuck Norris, dies by the roundhouse kick.
Category: Celebrity
What do nine out of

What do nine out of 10 people enjoy? Gang rape.

Category: Boycott these jokes
If you ever fart in

If you ever fart in public, just yell, "Turbo power!" and walk faster.

Category: Miscellaneous jokes
You might be a redneck

You might be a redneck if your house has more wheels then your car.

Category: Miscellaneous jokes
I rear ended a car
I rear- ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.

You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Well, i couldnt believe it... he was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"

So, I looked down at him and said, " Well, then which one are you?"

And then the fight started.....
Category: Vehicle
A hunter was rushed into
A hunter was rushed into the emergency room with a bear trap clamped onto his testicles. As the horrified doctor was examining him, he said "Man, how did this happen?"

The hunter explains that he was out in the woods and felt the call of nature. Bending down by a tree, the bear trap was triggered and snapped shut on his testicles. "Oh," exclaims the doctor, "The pain must have been excruciating!"

"It was," said the hunter. "The second worst pain in my life."

"Second worst? What could have been worse than that?"

"Coming to the end of the chain" said the hunter.
Category: Animal
Q What does a proud
Q: What does a proud computer call his little son?
A: A microchip off the old block.
Category: Geeky
What is the difference between

What is the difference between your wife and your lover? 30 minutes.

Category: Relationship jokes
Q Did you hear about

Q: Did you hear about the guy who drank 8 Cokes?
A: He burped 7Up.

Category: Miscellaneous jokes
Q What did Saddam Hussein

Q: What did Saddam Hussein and Little Miss Muffit have in common?
A: They both had curds (Kurds) in their way (whey).

Category: Word play jokes
Yo mama is so ugly

Yo mama is so ugly when the devil saw her, he started praying.

Category: Religious jokes