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The content of these pages brings together external sources, whether they are written pieces, online publications, suggestions from our visitors or local folklore. Of course, it is not intended to be offensive for anyone and it should be treated accordingly.
Moreover, we are looking forward to receiving suggestions and new jokes from our readers or anyone else willing to actively participate in the content development process.
Yo mama so stupid, she went to the dollar store and said, "How much is this?"
Q: What goes up a chimney down, but cannot go down a chimney up?
A: An umbrella.
Q: Why do pirates like algebra?
A: "Annex" marks the spot.
Yo momma so stupid she thought Bruno Mars was a planet.
Yo mama so fat she got titties on her back.
From: Chief of Operations Subject: Proper Narrative Descriptions
It has come to our attention from several emergency rooms that many EMS narratives have taken a decidedly creative direction lately. Effective immediately, all members are to refrain from using slang and abbreviations to describe patients, such as the following.
a.. Cardiac patients should not be referred to as suffering from MUH (messed up heart), PBS (pretty bad shape), PCL (pre-code looking) or HIBGIA (had it before, got it again).
b.. Stroke patients are NOT "Charlie Carrots." Nor are rescuers to use CCFCCP(Coo Coo for Cocoa Puffs) to describe their mental state.
c.. Trauma patients are not CATS (cut all to sh*t), FDGB (fall down, go boom), TBC (total body crunch) or "hamburger helper." Similarly, descriptions of a car crash do not have to include phrases like "negative vehicle to vehicle interface" or "terminal deceleration syndrome."
d.. HAZMAT teams are highly trained professionals, not "glow worms."
e.. Persons with altered mental states as a result of drug use are not considered "pharmaceutically gifted."
f.. Gunshot wounds to the head are not "trans-occipital implants."
g.. The homeless are not "urban outdoorsmen," nor is endotracheal intubation referred to as a "PVC Challenge."
h.. And finally, do not refer to recently deceased persons as being "paws up," ART (assuming room temperature), CC (Cancel Christmas), CTD (circling the drain), DRT (dead right there) or NLPR (no long playing records). I know you will all join me in respecting the cultural diversity of our patients to include their medical orientations in creating proper narratives and log entries.
One time, Chuck Norris accidentally stubbed his toe. It destroyed the entire state of Ohio.
Q: Who is the most famous comedian in the Bible? A: Samson, because he brought the house down.
An old man goes into the Social Security Office and fills out an application. Too old to have a birth certificate, he is asked to prove he is old enough. He opens his shirt and shows them the gray hair on his chest and they accept that as proof. He goes home to his wife, shows her the check, and explains to her what has happened. She replies, "Well get back down there, pull down your pants, and see if you can get disability!"
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
A sculptor, a civil engineer and a computer scientist were arguing about the primacy of their professions.
"God created man out of clay," said the sculptor, "and so was clearly a sculptor."
"Before that," said the engineer, "He separated earth and waters from the chaos -- an immense feat of civil engineering. God was an engineer first."
"And how do you think," answered the computer scientist, "the chaos was made?"
Q: A cowboy left Montana to go to Texas on Friday and came back on Friday. How did he do it?
A: He named his horse Friday.
An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.
Q: What do you call a vicar with a boner?
A: An erector.
Yo momma’s so ugly, when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours – for a quote!
Charles Dickens walks into a bar and asks for a martini. The bartender asks, "Olive or twist?"
Q: Why do centipedes have 100 legs?
A: So they can walk.
Bernie and Jane are an elderly couple who have decided to get married late in life. While they have not yet been intimate, Bernie thinks it would be a good idea to know how Jane feels about this. He asks her about her desires regarding frequency of sexual intimacy. Jane replies that she likes sex infrequently. Bernie, being ever the optimist says, "Is that one word or two?"
When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
Yo mama so old, When she farted dust came out!
Q: How do you sell chicken to a deaf man?
A: HEY, YOU WANNA BUY SOME CHICKEN??!!!!!!!
Chuck Norris owns a chain of fast-food restaurants throughout the southwest. They serve nothing but barbecue-flavored ice cream and Hot Pockets.
If number two pencils are so popular why are they still number two?
Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant and a skin doctor?
A: A pachydermatologist.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
A guy and his wife are sitting and watching a boxing match on television. The husband sighs and complains, “This is disappointing. It only lasted for 30 seconds!” “Good,” replied his wife. “Now you know how I always feel.”
Yo momma so stupid, she tried to talk into an envelope to send a voicemail.
Rush Limbaugh wanted to buy an NFL team. His spectacle for him to see black people hit each other while the white quarterback is being protected. Reminds him of the America he loves.
What did the skeleton tell the doctor in the club? I need some body to dance!
Q: What is the dirtiest line said on television?
A: "Ward, I think you were a little hard on the Beaver last night."
Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.
Yo momma is so fat she went to church with heels on and when she came back home they were flats.
Werner Heisenberg is driving down the street when a cop pulls him over. The cop walks up to the car, knocks on the window, and when Werner rolls it down, asks, "Sir, do you know how fast you were going?"
"No," replies Werner. "But I knew where I was!"
What type of meat does Lady GaGa eat? Raw raw raw huh haa!
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. Why did the farmer cross the road? To get his dick out of the chicken!
Chuck Norris never goes to the dentist because his teeth are unbreakable. His enemies never go to the dentist because they have no teeth.
Q: How much pussy do priests get?
The pope goes to visit the Seven Dwarfs. As he is finishing his speech on comparative religions, Dopey raises his hand to ask a question.
"Mr. Pope, are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?".
"No Dopey," responds the Pontiff, "there are not".
"Mr. Pope, are there any dwarf nuns anywhere in Italy?", Dopey questions.
"No Dopey," chuckles the Pope, "there are no dwarf nuns in Italy."
"Mr. Pope," Dopey asks pleadingly, "are there any dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?"
"No Dopey," the Pope says sadly, "there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world."
And softly in the background the six remaining dwarves start chanting, "Dopey screwed a penguin, Dopey screwed a penguin."
Yo momma is so fat when she sat on WalMart, she lowered the prices.
Q: What do you call a bench full of white people?
A: The MLB.