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The content of these pages brings together external sources, whether they are written pieces, online publications, suggestions from our visitors or local folklore. Of course, it is not intended to be offensive for anyone and it should be treated accordingly.
Moreover, we are looking forward to receiving suggestions and new jokes from our readers or anyone else willing to actively participate in the content development process.
Yo mama so hairy when I hugged her I got a rug burn.
What do you get if you drop a piano on an army base?
A flat major.
A guy sticks his head in the barber shop and asks, "How long before I can et a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop and says, "About two hours." The guy leaves.
A few days later, the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks, "How long before I get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop full of customers and says, "About two hours." The guy leaves.
A week later, the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looks around the shop an says, "About an hour and half." The guy leaves.
The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says, "Hey Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes." In a little while, Bill comes back into the shop laughing hysterically. The barber asks, "Bill, where did he go when he left here?" Bill looked up and said,
"To your house."
Jane: "Where are all the kind, considerate, loving men who can show their feelings?"
Jill: "They already have boyfriends."
Q: What do you call two Chinese lesbians having sex with a cedar? A: A tree-way.
Johnny was at school and the teacher said, "Someone use fascinate in a sentence." Sally answered, "The zoo was fascinating." The teacher said, "Sorry, Sally, I said to use fascinate in a sentence." Maria suggested, "I was fascinated at the zoo." Once again the teacher said, "No, Maria, I specifically said to use fascinate in a sentence." Johnny said, "My sister has ten buttons on her sweater." Again the teacher said, "Sorry, Johnny, I said use fascinate in a sentence." Johnny replied, "I know, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten eight."
To be or not to be? That is the question. The answer? Chuck Norris.
Q: Did your hear about the man with no arms and no legs who swam across a swimming pool?
A: They call him clever dick.
A 3 years old boy sits near a pregnant woman.
Boy: Why do you look so fat?
Pregnant woman: I have a baby inside me.
Boy: Is it a good baby?
Pregnant woman: Yes, it is a very good baby.
Boy: Then why did you eat it?!
Research shows that 80% of men don’t know how to use condoms. These men are called dads.
A guy had been feeling down for so long that he finally decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist.
He went there, lay on the couch, spilled his guts then waited for the profound wisdom of the psychiatrist to make him feel better.
The psychiatrist asked him a few questions, took some notes then sat thinking in silence for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face.
Suddenly, he looked up with an expression of delight and said, "Um, I think your problem is low self-esteem. It is very common among losers."
Two old timers were talking after church one day and the one asks the other, "So tell me brother, what did you think of the soul food this morning?" The other replies, "The food was excellent but the service sucked!"
On a train there were a bunch of Liberal Arts Majors and a bunch of computer engineers who were headed to a big computer convention. Each of the Liberal Arts Majors had a train ticket. The group of engineers had only ONE ticket for all of them. The Liberal Arts Majors started laughing and making fun of them, figuring the engineers were going to get caught and thrown off the train.
When one of the engineers, the designated lookout, said "here comes the conductor", all of the engineers ran into the bathroom and locked the door. The Liberal Arts Majors were puzzled.
The conductor came aboard, said "tickets please", and got tickets from all of the Liberal Arts Majors. He then went to the bathroom and knocked on the door and said "ticket please". The engineers stuck the ticket under the door. The conductor picked it up and moved on. A few minutes later the engineers came out of the bathroom. The Liberal Arts Majors felt really stupid.
On the way back from the convention, the group of Liberal Arts Majors decided that they would try that method, too. They bought one ticket for the whole group. They met up with the engineers in the same car.
Again, the Liberal Arts Majors started snickering at the engineers. This time NONE of the engineers had tickets. When the lookout said "Conductor coming!", all the engineers went to one bathroom and all the Liberal Arts Majors went to the other bathroom.
Before the conductor came on board, one of the engineers left their bathroom, knocked on the Liberal Arts Majors bathroom, and said "Ticket please!"
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
What do you have when you have a cow and two ducks?
Milk and quackers.
Yo mama so fat, her patronis is a cake.
When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
A blonde walks into an electronics store to buy a television. She finds a salesman and tells him, “I want to buy this television," as she points. The man tells her, “Sorry Miss, we don’t sell televisions to blondes." The girl walks out and walks back inside five minutes later with a brunette wig. She finds another salesman and tells him, “Sir, I want to buy this television,” as she points. The man tells her, “Sorry Miss, but we don’t sell televisions to blondes." She leaves and comes back once again, but this time with a red wig on. She finds yet another salesman and tells him, “Sir, I would like to buy this television,” as she points. The man also tells her, “Sorry Miss, we don’t sell televisions to blondes." Now, the girl is really mad and asks the man, “How the hell do you know that I’m a blonde?!” The man points and replies, “Miss, this is not a television, it’s a microwave."
Q: Why is diarrhea hereditary?
A: It runs in your genes.
Q: What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus?
A: Santa stops after three hos.
Yo mama has so many rolls of fat she has to screw on her pants.
A willow tree walks into a bar, and a guy sitting next to the counter says to the bartender, Who's the new guy? And the bartender says, I don't know, but I've heard he's a shady character!
Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.
Why is it that your nose runs, but your feet smell?
Why do I need to tell a joke to register as a sex offender? Wait. Where am I?
You met him in prison.
During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.
He tells you that his last good case was a "Budweiser."
When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.
He picks the jury by playing "duck-duck-goose."
During the trial you catch him playing his Gameboy.
He asks a hostile witness to "pull my finger."
A prison guard is shaving your head.
Every couple of minutes he yells, "I call Jack Daniels to the stand!" and proceeds to drink a shot.
He frequently gives juror No. 4 the finger.
He places a large "No Refunds" sign on the defense table.
He begins closing arguments with, "As Ally McBeal once said . . ."
He keeps citing the legal case of Godzilla v. Mothra.
Just before trial starts he whispers, "The judge is the one with the little hammer, right?"
Just before he says "Your Honor," he makes those little quotation marks in the air with his fingers.
The sign in front of his law office reads "Practicing Law Since 2:25."
Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge, "Whatever."
He giggles every time he hears the word "briefs."
Q: How did the ghost go on vacation?
A: By scareplane!
Q: Why did the skeleton cross the road?
A: To get to the body shop.
Yo mama is so fat that black holes try to escape her.
A woman is in the maternity ward, having just given birth to her baby. The doctor comes in, cradling the child in his arms. As he is about to give it to the woman, he drops it on the ground, kicks it into the wall then throws it out the window.
"OH MY GOD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY BABY?!?!?!"
The doctor turns to her, smiles, and says, "April Fools. It was a stillborn."
Chuck Norris drives a solar powered car at night.
A man is a bus driver on Sesame Street and insists on meeting all of his riders. At the first stop, two overweight women got on the bus; both are named Patty. At the next stop, a mentally challenged boy named Ross got on. At the final stop, a disgusting man named Lester Freeze got on, took off his shoes, and picked at his bunions. When the bus driver got home, his wife asked him if he met anyone new that day. He said, "Two obese Patties, special Ross; Lester Freeze picks his bunions on a Sesame Street bus."
Luke Skywalker uses the Force. The Force uses Chuck Norris.
Yo mama jokes are old and overused just like yo mama!
Yo momma so skinny her eyes are in a single file.
Q: Have you heard about the new restaurant called Karma?
A: There’s no menu; you get what you deserve.
Lady: "Is this my train?"
Station Master: "No, it belongs to the railway company."
Lady: "Don’t try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to New York."
Station Master: "No Madam, I’m afraid it’s too heavy."
Yo momma is so fat Miley Cyrus uses her as a wreaking ball.
What do lawyers use as contraceptives? Their personalities.
Q: Why are the Harry Potter films unrealisitc?
A: A ginger kid has 2 friends!