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The content of these pages brings together external sources, whether they are written pieces, online publications, suggestions from our visitors or local folklore. Of course, it is not intended to be offensive for anyone and it should be treated accordingly.
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Q: What kind of car does Jesus drive?
A: A Christler.
Q: Why did Mitt Romney feed his cows money?
A: He wanted rich milk.
Chuck Norris was once on Jeopardy. This show is notable in that it was the first occasion in Jeopardy history that Alex Trebek had appeared without a mustache. And a head.
A new shift manager was being shown around the Latex factory where he had just been hired. The plant manufactures various latex products, and has a reputation for using cutting edge technology in its manufacturing process.
On one side of the building, the factory makes baby bottle nipples. The machine makes a loud hiss-pop noise, and the shift manager asked his tour guide what it was doing.
As the rubber is being injected into the mold, it makes a hiss noise. he said The popping sound is from needle poking a hole in the end of the nipple.
On the other side of the building, the two men look at the condom making machine. This machine makes a hiss.. hiss hiss-pop sound during the manufacturing process.
Wait a second, the future shift manager says, I know what the hiss, hiss is but whats with the pop noise every once in awhile?
Oh, that he he. Its the same as the baby bottle nipple process. said the guide It pokes a hole in every third condom.
But that cant be good for the condoms! the observant shift manager replied.
Nah, but its really good for the baby bottle nipple business!
Q: What did one German soldier say to the other when the Americans attacked?
A: "I did Nazi that coming!"
A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus. “You mean a martini?” the bartender asks. The Roman replies, “If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it!” Another Roman walks up to the bar, holds up two fingers, and says, “Five beers, please.”
When chuck Norris was born WWII had ended
Q: Why did the midget get kicked out of the bar?
A: Because when it came time to pay, he came up short.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with, "A man once told me..."
There once was 3 men. One Scottish, one irish, and one jewish. Every day they went to work. They were builders. They were working on the top of a building.
The scottish man pulls out his lunch and says "TUNA! I hate TUNA! If my wife gives me tuna tomorow i will jump off this building!"
The Irish man says "EGG! I hate EGG! If my wife gives me egg tomorow i will jump off this building!"
The Jewish man says "HUMOUS! I hate Humous! If my wife gives me humous tomorow i will jump off this building!"
The next day the scottish man pulls out his lunch and says "TUNA! Thats it!" and jumps off th building.
The irish man says "EGG! Thats it!" and jumps off the building.
The jewish man says "HUMOUS! Thats it!" and jumps off the building.
The next day the wifes get interviewed.
The scottish and irish wives says "If h had just had just told me he didnt like it i would have made him something different."
The Jewish wife says "I dont understand. He always made his own sandwhiches.
Q: What do you call a weapon used by a Canadian ninja?
For undercover police work, Chuck Norris pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.
Scientists have proven that there are two things in the air that have been known to cause women to get pregnant: their legs.
A rabbi, a priest and a pastor were all in a boat together fishing. The pastor said to the others, "I think I am going to go over to that shore and sit down." So, he gets out of the boat, walks across the water and sits down on the shore.
Then, the priest says to the rabbi, "I think I going to go over there to join him." So, he does the same as the pastor and sits next to him on the shore.
The rabbi thinks to himself, "Well, if they can do it, so can I!" So, he climbs out of the boat, but he falls in the water.
The pastor says to the priest, "Do you think we should of told him where the rocks were?"
Your mamma is so fat when she was an astronaut, scientists thought she was a planet.
Yo momma so stupid she got locked in a key store.
A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.
He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die."
The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him. "Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"
"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.
"Oh yeah?" the man asked. "And where the hell were you when I got married?"
If silence speaks a thousand words, how loud is a thousand words?
Yo mama is so stupid she took the puzzle back to the store because she thought it was broken!
When I was single I had this old aunt that use to come up to me at family weddings and poke me in the ribs and say, "You’re next." She stopped after I did the same to her at a funeral.
Bernie and Jane are an elderly couple who have decided to get married late in life. While they have not yet been intimate, Bernie thinks it would be a good idea to know how Jane feels about this. He asks her about her desires regarding frequency of sexual intimacy. Jane replies that she likes sex infrequently. Bernie, being ever the optimist says, "Is that one word or two?"
Yo mamma is so fat that when she sat on a laptop, the hardware turned into software!
Christians call it the Rapture. Chuck norris calls it cleaning his house.
Yo mama so greasy she sweats Crisco!
Q: What do you get when offering a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
Q: How do you turn a cat into a fish?
A: Tell the woman not to wash down there.
How does a coffee pot feel when it is hot?
Q: What did the cholo say when the house fell on him?
A: "Get off me, homes!"
Wise man say, "Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake up with smelly finger."
Chuck Norris can kick through all 6 degrees of separation, hitting anyone, anywhere, in the face, at any time.
Q: Why did the painting go to jail?
A: It was framed.
Johnny was at school and the teacher said, "Someone use fascinate in a sentence." Sally answered, "The zoo was fascinating." The teacher said, "Sorry, Sally, I said to use fascinate in a sentence." Maria suggested, "I was fascinated at the zoo." Once again the teacher said, "No, Maria, I specifically said to use fascinate in a sentence." Johnny said, "My sister has ten buttons on her sweater." Again the teacher said, "Sorry, Johnny, I said use fascinate in a sentence." Johnny replied, "I know, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten eight."
What goes up and down stairs with out moving? Carpet.
During the Vietnam War, Chuck Norris allowed himself to be captured. For torture, they made him eat his own entrails. He asked for seconds.
You might be a redneck if your home has more miles on it than your car.
When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking. And then I saw her face.
Texas - A man convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay $9,600 in damages rather than serving a prison sentence. He gave the court a check--a forged check. He was sentenced to ten years.
Q: How did I get to Iraq?
Q: What do you call a wandering caveman?
A: A meanderthal.
Q: Why is Peter Pan always flying?
A: Because he neverlands.