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The content of these pages brings together external sources, whether they are written pieces, online publications, suggestions from our visitors or local folklore. Of course, it is not intended to be offensive for anyone and it should be treated accordingly.
Moreover, we are looking forward to receiving suggestions and new jokes from our readers or anyone else willing to actively participate in the content development process.
A husband suspected his wife was cheating on him. He explained his situation to a pet shop owner who replied, "I have a parrot that will let you know daily what goes on in your house. The bird has no legs, so he holds onto his perch with his penis." Reluctantly, the husband brought the bird home. At the end of the first day, the man asked the bird, "Did anything happen today?" The parrot said, "Yes, the milk man came over." The man asked, "What did he do with my wife?" The bird said, "I don’t know; I got hard and fell."
Pick up line: "Are you a beaver because damn!"
Q: Why did the ants dance on the jam jar?
A: The lid said, "Twist to open."
A sculptor, a civil engineer and a computer scientist were arguing about the primacy of their professions.
"God created man out of clay," said the sculptor, "and so was clearly a sculptor."
"Before that," said the engineer, "He separated earth and waters from the chaos -- an immense feat of civil engineering. God was an engineer first."
"And how do you think," answered the computer scientist, "the chaos was made?"
Why do Russian cars never work?
Baecause they are always Stalin.
Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris invented the car accident.
What do get if you cross a Snowman with a Vampire? Frostbite.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Trivial Pursuit with one roll of the dice, and without answering a single question...... just a nod of the head, and a stroke of the beard.
Q: How do astronomers organize a party?
A: They planet.
Q: What did the blanket say to the bed?
A: "I got you covered."
Why did the bear run around his bed?
He wanted to catch up on his sleep.
Lightning never strikes twice in one place. Chuck Norris wont let it.
a white guy walked into a bar and asked for a for a shot of tequila and after he was finished he said TGIF. then a mexican guy walked in and also ordered a shot of tequila and after he was finished he said SPIT so the bartender looked at the whited and mexican guy and asked what the white guy was saying. so the white guy told him thank god its friday. Then the bartender asked the mexican what he meant and the mexican said stupid pendejo its thursday.
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.
Oh my, I am so sorry, "the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says. They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.
The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed!Â Everything had been SO incredible! "You know, "he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet? "
"No," she replies. . . . . "
"You just happened to catch my eye."
What do you call a cute little animal you keep in your automobile?
If I hit a baseball and it rolled under the fence and was eaten by a pig, what would it be called as?
An inside the pork home-run.
Chuck Norris has held the World Championship in every weight class at the same time.
You know you’re in IT if...
...you paid $6000 for your computer and $500 for your car.
...your pets are named Cat 5 and Cat 6.
...power cords breed in your office.
...your laptop is held together with duct tape.
...you accidentally tell your wife to submit a ticket when she asks you what you want for dinner.
...you make CAT5 action figures.
...you have a tray table on the server rack for lunch.
...you’ve racked up 10 weeks of vacation and still don’t have time to take any.
...rock, paper, scissors is a legitimate decision-making process.
...you have more switches than friends.
...you have a server rack in your garage at home.
...all of your relatives expect you to fix their home computer.
How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
Q: How do you make holy water?
A: Boil the hell out of it.
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to save a fish from drowning.
California Vinters in the Napa Valley area. which primarily produces Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot Griglo wines have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic. It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night.
The new wine will be marketed as Pino More
Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her into a glacier.
Q: What happens when you stick your hand in a jar of jelly beans?
A: The black one steals your watch.
An Indian cab driver picked up a Japanese man from a hotel. Along the way, they saw a Honda motorcycle overtake the taxicab and the Japanese guy said, "Motorcycle very fast, made in Japan." Then a Toyota car overtook the taxicab and the Japanese guy said, "Car very fast, made in Japan." When they reached the destination the fare was 1500 rupees. The Japanese man thought the ride was would only cost 500 rupees. He asked the driver why the ride was so expensive. The driver said, "Meter very fast, made in India."
A man, a lawyer, a redneck, a nun, a blonde, a dog, and a priest walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous wreck.
My wife went to the West Indies for her holidays.
No, she wanted to go.
There was a blonde who was sick of all the blonde jokes. One day, she decided to get a make over, so she cut and dyed her hair. She went driving down a country road and came across a herd of sheep. She stopped and called the sheep herder over. "Tell you what. I have a proposition for you," said the woman.
"If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?"
"Sure," said the sheep herder. So, she sat up and looked at the herd for a second and then replied "382".
"Wow!" said the herder.
"That is exactly right. Go ahead and pick out the sheep you want to take home." So the woman went and picked one out and put it in her car.
Then, the herder said, "Okay, now I have a proposition for you".
"What is it?" queried the woman.
"If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"
Every ten years, the monks in the monastery are allowed to break their vow of silence to speak two words. Ten years go by and it’s one monk’s first chance. He thinks for a second before saying, “Food bad.” Ten years later, he says, “Bed hard.” It’s the big day, a decade later. He gives the head monk a long stare and says, “I quit.” “I’m not surprised,” the head monk says. “You’ve been complaining ever since you got here.”
Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A: Ask your mother.
A bus full of housewives going on a picnic crashed with no survivors. Each husband cried for a week, but one husband continued for more than two weeks. When asked he replied miserably, "My wife missed the bus."
There once was a boy named Jimmy. Jimmy was 8 years old old, almost 9. Jimmy NEVER got in trouble. So one day, he was doing art with his class at school and he broke the purple plate. His teacher said "Jimmy! You broke the purple plate! Go to the office!" So Jimmy went to the office, as he was told. When he got there, the principal asked him, "Hi there little Jimmy! Why are you here??" Jimmy told him about how he broke the purple plate. The principal said, "YOU ARE EXPELLED!" so Jimmy went home and told his dad about how he was expelled. His dad told him that he had to go live with the hobos because he broke the purple plate. Feeling glum, Jimmy went to live with the hobos. After a few days, he developed a good friendship with a man named Martin. He had purple eyes, which Jimmy thought was strange... One day, Martin gave Jimmy a dollar and told him to go buy some milk at the convenient store across the street. So Jimmy walked across the street and was his by a truck and died.
What was the moral of this story?
Look both ways before you cross the street or you will get hit by a truck.
Why are there no ice cubes in Poland? Because they lost the recipe.
A guy walks into a bar, and breaks his nose!!!
Yo momma so fat when she registered for MySpace there was no space left.
A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But, what happened to your other ear?"
"The jerk called back!"
I would make another chemistry joke, but they ARGON.
Yo mama so dumb she tried to ring Taco Bell.
What do you call a bench full of white people? The NBA!