During a recent password audit
During a recent password audit, our I.T. discovered a blonde was using the following password:

MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento

When they asked why such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.
Category: Animal


The Elephant and the TurtleAn
The Elephant and the Turtle

An elephant was drinking out of a river one day, when he spotted a turtle asleep on a log. So, he ambled on over and kicked it clear across the river.

"What did you do that for?" Asked a passing giraffe.

"Because I recognized it as the same turtle that took a nip out of my trunk 53 years ago."

"Wow, what a memory" commented the giraffe.

"Yes," said the elephant, "turtle recall".
Category: Animal


A blonde brunette and red
A blonde, brunette, and red head were on top of a magic mountain. The myth of the mountain was that if you jumped off of it and yelled out what you wanted to be, you would instantly turn into it.

The brunette jumped off and said she wanted to be an Eagle, so she turned into an Eagle and flew away.

Next, the redhead jumped off and said she wanted to be a cat. So, she landed on all fours and walked away.

Then the blonde got a running start, tripped over a rock, and yelled... "CRAP!"
Category: Animal


why couldnt the teddy bear
why couldnt the teddy bear eat any more thanksgiving dinner?

he was already stuffed!
Category: Animal


Politically Correct Guide To GuysHe
Politically Correct Guide To Guys

He does not have a beer gut; he develops a Liquid Grain Storage Facility.

He is not quiet; he is a Conversational Minimalist.

He does not get lost all the time; he discovers Alternative Destinations.

You do not buy him a drink; you initiate an Alcohol-For-Conversation Exchange.

He does not fart and belch; he is Gastronomically Expressive.

He is not a redneck; he is a Genetically-Related American.

He is not a cradle robber; he prefers Generationally Differential Relationships.

He does not have a rich daddy; he is a Recipient Of Parental Asset Infusion.

He does not hog the blankets; he is Thermally Unappreciative.

He is not a male chauvinist pig; he has Swine Empathy.

He is not afraid of commitment; he is Monogamously Challenged.
Category: Animal


At the Olympics a man
At the Olympics a man walked up to a competitor who was carrying a very long pole.

"Excuse me, are you a pole vaulter?"

"Nein, I am German, but how did you know my name ist Walter?"
Category: Animal


Two Bear HuntersTwo men went
Two Bear Hunters

Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it. The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could.

He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step. Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat. Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin.

The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, "You skin this one while I go and get another one!"
Category: Animal


You know youre in IT
You know you’re in IT if...

...you paid $6000 for your computer and $500 for your car.

...your pets are named Cat 5 and Cat 6.

...power cords breed in your office.

...your laptop is held together with duct tape.

...you accidentally tell your wife to submit a ticket when she asks you what you want for dinner.

...you make CAT5 action figures.

...you have a tray table on the server rack for lunch.

...you’ve racked up 10 weeks of vacation and still don’t have time to take any.

...rock, paper, scissors is a legitimate decision-making process.

...you have more switches than friends.

...you have a server rack in your garage at home.

...all of your relatives expect you to fix their home computer.
Category: Animal


A horse walks into a
A horse walks into a bar. The bar tender says "Hey."

The horse says "You read my mind buddy."
Category: Animal


There were three men playing
There were three men playing a round of golf, Moses, Jesus, and an old man. They get to the 18th hole and Moses gets to tee-off first; he hits his ball into the water. Next up is Jesus, and he does the same as Moses, hits it right into the water. Next up is the old man and he hits it right into the water with Moses and Jesus.

All three approach the edge of the pond. Moses walks up a little closer, throws his arms high nto the air and the water of the pond begins to part down the middle. He walks down to his ball, hits it out of the pond and into the hole.

Next up,Jesus. He walks out onto the water and his ball floats up to the surface, so he hits his ball off of the water into the hole. The old man decides he will try something cool so he walks into the water and hits his ball, which flies out of the water, hits a bird,bounces off a tree, then gets deflected off the pin and hits a rabbit then bounces into the hole. Moses turns to Jesus and says," I hate it when your father plays!"
Category: Animal