A family is at the

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”

Category: Food jokes


Q Why do Mexicans eat

Q: Why do Mexicans eat beans for dinner?
A: So they can take bubble baths.

Category: Food jokes


My friend thinks he is

My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.

Category: Food jokes


A teacher asked her students

A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence. "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."

Category: Food jokes


Your Halloween costume came in

Your Halloween costume came in the mail today. I opened it. It was a rooster mask and a bag of lollipops. Going as a c*ck sucker again!?

Category: Food jokes


Q Have you ever had

Q: Have you ever had Ethiopian food?
A: Neither have they.

Category: Food jokes


Q What kind of candy

Q: What kind of candy do Indians give out on Halloween?
A: Dots.

Category: Food jokes


Q How come oysters never

Q: How come oysters never donate to charity?
A: Because they are shellfish.

Category: Food jokes


Q What happens when you

Q: What happens when you stick your hand in a jar of jelly beans?
A: The black one steals your watch.

Category: Food jokes


Every ten years the monks

Every ten years, the monks in the monastery are allowed to break their vow of silence to speak two words. Ten years go by and it’s one monk’s first chance. He thinks for a second before saying, “Food bad.” Ten years later, he says, “Bed hard.” It’s the big day, a decade later. He gives the head monk a long stare and says, “I quit.” “I’m not surprised,” the head monk says. “You’ve been complaining ever since you got here.”

Category: Food jokes