Politically Correct Guide To GuysHe
Politically Correct Guide To Guys

He does not have a beer gut; he develops a Liquid Grain Storage Facility.

He is not quiet; he is a Conversational Minimalist.

He does not get lost all the time; he discovers Alternative Destinations.

You do not buy him a drink; you initiate an Alcohol-For-Conversation Exchange.

He does not fart and belch; he is Gastronomically Expressive.

He is not a redneck; he is a Genetically-Related American.

He is not a cradle robber; he prefers Generationally Differential Relationships.

He does not have a rich daddy; he is a Recipient Of Parental Asset Infusion.

He does not hog the blankets; he is Thermally Unappreciative.

He is not a male chauvinist pig; he has Swine Empathy.

He is not afraid of commitment; he is Monogamously Challenged.
Category: Race


A cabbage a faucet and
A cabbage, a faucet, and a tomato had a race. The cabbage was ahead, thefaucet was running, and the tomato tried to catch up.
Category: Race


Chuck Norris is not Irish
Chuck Norris is not Irish. His hair is soaked in the blood of his victims.
Category: Race


To a person in the
To a person in the US, it is anybody from the South.

To somebody in the South, it is anybody in Mississippi.

To a person in Mississippi it is somebody who lives in a mobile home.

To somebody in MS living in a mobile home, it is a guy who drives a pickup.

To a MS guy in a trailer house who drives a pickup, it is a guy who drives a pickup with a Dale Earnhart decal on it.

To a MS guy in a trailer house with a decal of Dale Earnhart on his pickup, a redneck is somebody who drives around with his dog in the back of the truck.

And to a MS guy driving around in his Dale Earnhart pickup with his dog in the back, a redneck is a guy who puts Coca Cola in his morning coffee.
Category: Race


Hang on to any of
Hang on to any of the new Newfoundland quarters. If you have them, they may be worth much more than 25 cents.The Canadian Mint announced today that it is recalling all of the Newfoundland quarters that are part of its program featuring quarters from each province. "We are recalling all the new Newfoundland quarters that were recently issued," Canadian Mint Deputy Minister Jack Shackleford said Monday. "This action is being taken after numerous reports that new quarters will not work in parking meters, toll booths, vending machines, pay phones, or other coin-operated devices." The quarters were issued in the order in which the various provinces joined Confederation. and have been a tremendous success among coin collectors worldwide. "The problem lies in the unique design of the Newfoundland quarter, which was created by a team of Newfoundlanders," Shackleford said. "Apparently, the duct tape holding the two dimes and the nickel together keeps jamming the coin-operated devices."
Category: Race


How to Survive in the
How to Survive in the South

If you run your car into a ditch, don’t panic. Four men in a four wheel drive pickup with a 12 pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don’t try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

Don’t be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.

Remember: “Ya’ll” is singular, “All ya’ll” is plural, and “All y’alls’” is plural possessive.

Get used to hearing, “You ain’t from around here, are ya?”

Don’t be worried at not understanding what people are saying: they can’t understand you either.

Be advised that “He needed killin’” is a valid defense here.

If you hear a southerner exclaim, “Hey, y’all, watch this,” stay out of the way. These are likely the last words he’ll ever say.

Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of ‘yonder’.

Only a Southerner knows exactly how long ‘directly’ is, as in: ‘Going to town, be back directly.’

Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between ‘right near’ and “a right far piece.”

They also know that ‘just down the road’ can be 1 mile or 20.

Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol’ boy, and po’ white trash.

A Southerner knows that ‘fixin’ can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.

And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, all y’all need a sign to hang on y’alls front porch that reads, “I ain’t from the South, but I got here as fast as I could.”
Category: Race


Chuck Norris easily won the
Chuck Norris easily won the Iditarod dog sled race by pulling a sled load of 16 dogs, 800 pounds of supplies and with a dead sperm whale chained behind it.
Category: Race


A cabbage a faucet and
A cabbage, a faucet, and a tomato had a race. The cabbage was ahead, the faucet was running, and the tomato tried to catch up.
Category: Race


Q What do you call
Q: What do you call a weapon used by a Canadian ninja?
A: Canuck-chucks.
Category: Race


There were two retired racehorses
There were two retired racehorses living in a pasture. Their names were Razzle and Dazzle. Every day they would race from one end of the pasture to the other. On the first day, Razzle pulled out ahead, then Dazzle caught up, then Razzle pulled away, then Dazzle started running even faster, Razzle, Dazzle, Razzle, Dazzle, Razzle, Dazzle, and Razzle won by a nose. The next day, Razzle pulled out ahead, then Dazzle caught up, then Razzle pulled away, then Dazzle started running even faster, Razzle, Dazzle, Razzle, Dazzle, Razzle, Dazzle, and Razzle won by a nose. The third day, Razzle pulled out ahead, then Dazzle caught up, then Razzle pulled away, then Dazzle started running even faster, Razzle, Dazzle, Razzle, Dazzle, Razzle, Dazzle, and Razzle won by a nose. A dog who had been watching them race day after day finally asked them, "Why is it that Razzle always wins by a nose?" And Razzle said to Dazzle, "Look, Dazzle, a talking dog!"
Category: Race