Q What do a Christmas

Q: What do a Christmas tree and a priest have in common?
A: Their balls are just for decoration.

Category: Religious jokes


An old man goes to

An old man goes to a church, and is making a confession:
Man: "Father, I am 75 years old. I have been married for 50 years. All these years I had been faithful to my wife, but yesterday I was intimate with an 18 year old."
Father: "When was the last time you made a confession?"
Man: "I never have, I am Jewish."
Father: "Then why are telling me all this?"
Man: "I’m telling everybody!"

Category: Religious jokes


A Sunday school teacher asked

A Sunday school teacher asked her children on the way to service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."

Category: Religious jokes


If Mary had Jesus and

If Mary had Jesus, and Jesus is the lamb of God, does that mean Mary had a little lamb?

Category: Religious jokes


In surgery for a heart

In surgery for a heart attack, a middle-aged woman has a vision of God by her bedside. “Will I die?” she asks. God says, “No. You have 30 more years to live.” With 30 years to look forward to, she decides to make the best of it. So since she’s in the hospital, she gets breast implants, liposuction, a tummy tuck, hair transplants, and collagen injections in her lips. She looks great! The day she’s discharged, she exits the hospital with a swagger, crosses the street, and is immediately hit by an ambulance and killed. Up in heaven, she sees God. “You said I had 30 more years to live,” she complains. “That’s true,” says God. “So what happened?” she asks. God shrugs, “I didn’t recognize you.”

Category: Religious jokes


Q What kind of car

Q: What kind of car does Jesus drive?
A: A Christler.

Category: Religious jokes


Q Why do Jewish mothers

Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers?
A: They never let anyone finish a sentence!

Category: Religious jokes


Every ten years the monks

Every ten years, the monks in the monastery are allowed to break their vow of silence to speak two words. Ten years go by and it’s one monk’s first chance. He thinks for a second before saying, “Food bad.” Ten years later, he says, “Bed hard.” It’s the big day, a decade later. He gives the head monk a long stare and says, “I quit.” “I’m not surprised,” the head monk says. “You’ve been complaining ever since you got here.”

Category: Religious jokes


Q How do you make

Q: How do you make holy water?
A: Boil the hell out of it.

Category: Religious jokes


Q What do you call

Q: What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? A: Virgin Mobile

Category: Religious jokes