Definitions from The College DictionaryCafeteria
Definitions from The College Dictionary

Cafeteria: From 2 Latin words, "cafe" meaning place to eat and "teria" meaning to wretch.

Major: Area of study that no longer interest you.

Student Athlete: See "contraction in terms."

Grade: Unrealistic and limited measure of academic accomplishment.

Summer School: A viable alternative to a summer job.

Quarter: The most coveted form of currency on campus.

Hunger: Condition produced by five minutes of continuous studying.
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In middle school chuck Norris
In middle school chuck Norris was assigned an essay about what courage was. He got an A+ by turning in a blank sheet of paper with his name on it.


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Knowing Your StatesThe old pastor
Knowing Your States

The old pastor made it to a practice to visit the parish school one day a week.

He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked them how many states they could name.

They came up with about 40 names.

He jokingly told them that in his day students knew the names of all the states.

One lad raised his hand and said, "Yes, but in those days there were only 13."
Category: School


The English language has some
The English language has some wonderfully anthropomorphic collective nouns for the various groups of animals. We are all familiar with a Herd of cows, a Flock of chickens, a School of fish and a Gaggle of geese.

However, less widely known is a Pride of lions, a Murder of crows (as well as their cousins the rooks and ravens), an Exaltation of doves and, presumably because they look so wise, a Parliament of owls. Now consider a group of Baboons. They are the loudest, most dangerous, most obnoxious, most viciously aggressive and least intelligent of all primates.

And what is the proper collective noun for a group of baboons?????

Believe it or not ....... a Congress , that much explains the things that come out of Washington.
Category: School


There once was a boy
There once was a boy named Jimmy. Jimmy was 8 years old old, almost 9. Jimmy NEVER got in trouble. So one day, he was doing art with his class at school and he broke the purple plate. His teacher said "Jimmy! You broke the purple plate! Go to the office!" So Jimmy went to the office, as he was told. When he got there, the principal asked him, "Hi there little Jimmy! Why are you here??" Jimmy told him about how he broke the purple plate. The principal said, "YOU ARE EXPELLED!" so Jimmy went home and told his dad about how he was expelled. His dad told him that he had to go live with the hobos because he broke the purple plate. Feeling glum, Jimmy went to live with the hobos. After a few days, he developed a good friendship with a man named Martin. He had purple eyes, which Jimmy thought was strange... One day, Martin gave Jimmy a dollar and told him to go buy some milk at the convenient store across the street. So Jimmy walked across the street and was his by a truck and died.

What was the moral of this story?
Look both ways before you cross the street or you will get hit by a truck.
Category: School


The old pastor made it
The old pastor made it to a practice to visit the parish school one day a week.

He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked them how many states they could name.

They came up with about 40 names.

He jokingly told them that in his day students knew the names of all the states.

One lad snickered, "Yes, but in those days there were only 13."
Category: School


I was testing the children
I was testing the children in my Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven. I asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, Would that get me into Heaven?"

"NO!" the children answered.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?"

Again, the answer was, "NO!"

By now I was starting to smile. Hey, this was fun! "Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into Heaven?"

I asked them again. Again, they all answered, "NO!"

I was just bursting with pride for them. Well, I continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"

A five-year-old boy shouted out,

"YOU GOTTA BE DEAD"
Category: School


Why did the kid dump
Why did the kid dump a bucket of water off the school roof?
He wanted to make a big splash in front of his class.
Category: School


Who is always your friend
Who is always your friend at school?
Your princi-pal.
Category: School


There was once an aspiring
There was once an aspiring veterinarian who put himself through veterinary school working nights as a taxidermist.

Upon graduation, he decided he could combine his two vocations to better serve the needs of his patients and their owners, while doubling his practice and, therefore, his income.

He opened his own offices with a shingle on the door saying, "Dr. Jones, Veterinary Medicine and Taxidermy -- Either way, you get your dog back!"
Category: School