Larry gets home late one night and his wife, Linda, says "Where in the hell have you been?"
He replies, "I was out getting a tattoo."
A tattoo?" she frowned. "What kind of tattoo did you get?"
"I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates," he said proudly.
"What the hell were you thinking?" she said, shaking her head in disdain; "Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill tattooed on his privates?"
"Well, for one; I like to watch my money grow, and two; once in a while I like to play with my money, three; I like how money feels in my hand and lastly; instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want.
After shopping for weeks, I finally found the car of my dreams. It was only two years old and in beautiful condition.
The salesman asked if I would like to take it for a test drive. We had traveled no more than two miles when the car broke down. The salesman called for a tow truck.
When it arrived, we climbed into the front seat. While the driver was hooking up the car, the salesman turned to me with a killer smile and said, "Well, now, what is it going to take to put you behind the wheel of that beauty today?"
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."
THE VALUE OF UNDIES-- Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle...
From the NORTHWEST FLORIDA Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal*Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place.
On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by. The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.